On my way to my home, there is a garden filled with various flowers, seasonal fruits. The owner of the house takes so much care of the garden. Few time ago after his death, his family shifted to another city keeping their house locked. Within a year that garden has been turned into rubble, dry and a jungle. Passing by it, I felt sad. I went to the grocery shop for regular things. Looking garden I felt, without any care garden is no garden. You take care and serve the plants, they serve you also.
Reaching home after sanitizing hands, removing outside clothes, placing things safely straight went to the kitchen. Corona virus has changed life entirely, so it’s important to follow guidelines. Few bottles were empty in the kitchen. Taking out sugar packets I put that in certain bottles. Now looks happy after its emptiness filled up. The purpose of being bottle in the kitchen is to have things to serve and being filled up when it’s over and empty. A beautiful glorious garden later turned to rubble and without sugar that empty bottle, these are faces of one sided love. Nothing serves continuously not having returns similar ,that’s the rule of nature.
Togetherness in living under one roof is having certain compulsion and accountability. Living together, in marriage or live-in relationships, has a package of expectations from family, society, law, and each other. Such togetherness in relations has definite guidelines along with love. here one sided love merely exists within responsibilities.
Some people mix one sided love with one sided relationships when both characters are different. One sided relationships having support by law society and family, if wants to get out of it.
One sided love defines free will till commitment. It is boundless, having no restrictions, limitations, responsibilities and no support from anyone. That is why, one sided love is dramatic, adventurous, a type of addiction, free of rule and painful chasing after things never going to happen.
In my observation three conditions are there one can be trapped in one sided love.
- Stranger, once for all meeting somewhere
- Person, he or she is already having partner or married
- she or he do not feel the similar way you do
One sided emotion is always a reason for deep suffering. Love is a scent, essence in wind, that touches you because you were there when it was crossing. Invisible, having millions of definitions, love is beautiful bliss you experience. Love will force you to be together under one roof with the person who seems the face of love to you. Then until you both get together, physically, mentally and practically love will be just madness beyond your imagination. When it comes to success, you are together, love turns into commitment, a good package of accountability. Expectations are now valid, mandatory, mutual, the freedom, boundless flames are not anymore visible.
So, when love becomes one sided?
- When you cannot get together
- When one of them never feels same
- When one of them, is married
- When one of them dislikes
- When one of them, waiting, other is happy to elsewhere
- When there is no communication, commitment and possible future
- And one of them argued to continue loving that invisible man or woman ,it turns to be one sided love.
Sounds stubborn. Forcing on self impractical situations at present and for the future, keep hope and live unexplainable imagination which is not even a relationship. Relationship means it has a social and legal definition. Please remember it.
Three crucial stages those are draining out your well-being
- At the first stage one who feels without someone they’re not going to be alive. They would start to give, expecting nothing. Everything possible, in kind, action, physical, spiritual, emotional, monetary, support etc. Always available, at service, from far, or being closer. This stage of one sided love makes blissful happiness in heart. Person want to do everything they’ve missed, looks confident transforming personally fast. Trying to be better everyday. Speedy, dreamers, skilled they are at picks of setting goals rightfully.
- At the second phase one sided love starts to feel empty. Giving so much positive emotions to the person he or she loves, they start to feel having the same. They look at the person who is taking emotional support from them and sharing elsewhere, noticing nothing about love care and how he or she is alone looking for being together. He or she doesn’t feel to return similar emotion because they are committed to serve elsewhere. At second phase one sided love begins to feel down, empty and lonely. Stuck inside its own moral conflicts, looking for hope day by day they start to go on giving, giving and being empty. Like that empty sugar bottle. Until someone loves them back they will be empty forever. Emptiness eventually will bring depression.
- Third stage one sided love is battling with understanding, acceptance and letting go. When emotions fluctuate often, high in happiness, low in sadness, their health system gets affected. Mainly body gets affected by hormonal imbalance and many more complications along with it. That happiness, sweetness of the first stage of love has gone now. Here only pain exists. Irritation, anger, anxiety, fear, sadness, insecurities, hopelessness, lack of concentration, guilt. Certainly suddenly all together now attacks on one sided love. You look up-to no one, you know you are in pain, you want to come out, but already giving after giving you are so much empty, you don’t know what to do. And whom you love thinking that the way of unconditional love, never asked how you are, never greets you seasonal, never returned your text messages. You die or live, doesn’t matter in other’s daily lives.
Everything on the earth has one exchange rule. Water under soil, rain from cloud, green trees and civilization of mankind, depends on exchanging actions, thoughts and all that values by basic emotion. When basic things have been denied, imbalance begins. One sided love is not normal togetherness, not commitment or you can claim. You can be happy till a certain period of time, afterwards ever will be filled up by emptiness. When you are in trouble but the most close in your heart, you cannot call. You cannot share your present, future with them and you stop to look for others because guilt in conscience about your love for this person. You limit surroundings, spending all time being available for someone not with you and was never. One sided love, might be true love, might be bliss but self torture also you don’t want what is pushing you to illness. One sided love means ‘you live with an image decided rest of life being alone in your mind and heart.”
Dear readers, writing about this subject is not easy. Still I must say when you have started to feel, you are torturing yourself, take help of few things
- Immediately visiting a doctor is best. Yes. Doctor. Licensed psychologist will help you to come back to normal life. One sided love is not fun. It twists each tissue inside of your body, breaks your bones in plenty pieces, in emptiness when you feel less lonely no one there to hold you. You are hurting self loving something, never going to be real and till you stop hoping, perhaps it will be too late. So go to a doctor, have open talk, seek help.
- Love yourself. Before anything else, you are your responsibility. You are the first one to fill up yourself. You have to love yourself, accepting all mistakes and qualities. That is unconditional love. Pour on you, the love you are pouring making other people happy, take back and be happy.
- Focus. When you are happy, you become more focused for anything. Use that first phase of one sided love to build yourself as brand, by skills, achievement.
- Never express your feelings to the person you feel love for. Unless you are sure it is going to happen. You can be trapped in, can be used emotionally wrongfully and may face humiliation. So unless being sure about the person completely, do not express personal feelings to them.
- When you see, there is conflict , shut those doors which are taking you towards that person. Once for all. Slowly you cannot, do it without delaying
- Never blame yourself. And move on.
- Always learn the skill, how to make yourself happy without depending on anyone else.
- Life is long. Take its control. Be the love. By action, thought and attitude. Creative a new layout of good life, adopting good habits, atmosphere.
Types, timing, letting go
Is one sided love cruel? Some say timing is wrong, some say they are not happy in their marriages, some say we will make it happen. And in reality nothing seems moving as they think. Married people have obligations of social bonding, single people have obligations to get together in social bonding, and stubborn people become self destructions and else. Sometimes jealousy, anger and frustration takes such high authority in behavior, one sided love can act as crime also. Letting go is one option, using love to build self is another option. Praising the person and saying goodbye at very first is another option. On social media, be aware of emotions. To be happy one sided love needs all natural requirements, physical mental social.
Two people within mutual feelings and agreed to go along together practically is an example of healthy life. After each poetry one sided love feels empty and hoping better for next time. After each sleepless night, one sided love lives the day as dead.
Is that beautiful? Is that fun? Not at all. Remember mind and heart has a doctor waiting for you, when you’re in aches. Never waste precious time, and time is life also.
Have you ever experienced such pain? Please Write to me, if you want, share with me. I will listen to you through your words. But reach out at the nearest doctor also if you love yourself.
You draw one paradise,
You forgot inviting deity, made fine bed on desert,
Designing waterfall near, you wrote letters, years.
Every evening looking at setting sun far river,
You draw one image on plain white large canvas,
You hold wind inside hands, slip into twisted tired heart, sleeping with night, awake,
You sketched one paradise, that never sings real song.