Are you a WOMAN enough? – My fight with PCOS

Years ago I was detected with Poly Cystic Ovary disorder. And then started a long relationship with the cysts sitting aggressively on my ovaries. Ovarian Cysts are small sacs containing fluid hampering the normal function of the ovaries. The disorder includes enlargement of ovaries, too, posing a worry for me if the excess mass turns out to be malignant ever, what would be my chances of survival…. And the other 80% chance would be that I would have to take the help of medical world to conceive as and when I desired.

PCOS – Poly Cystic Ovaries Syndrome, as everyone knows, is a hormonal disorder whose cause may involve a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Women with PCOS produce higher-than-normal amounts of male hormones. What is always suggested is a regular exercise regime, weight control measures and a healthy mindset. All these things were way beyond my control back then. The sedentary lifestyle with books constantly over me (we didn’t have cellphones at that time) had this side effect.

As a teenager, I didn’t bother about my irregular periods. Sometimes I felt it is good that I don’t have to face the discomfort every month. My first surgery was when I was in my final year of graduation. The ovaries were cut to its normal size, the cysts were punctured and the fallopian tubes were also taken care of. In India, pre-marriage surgeries are always looked down upon for various reasons. One of the reasons is assumed to be an affair resulting into something not desirable. This was the first taboo I faced. After the corrective surgery, I felt this is all over. That I would lead a normal life. But the same thing haunted me for months. The male hormones were troubling me!!!

The focus again shifted towards my ovaries when I got married, a bit late for my middle class surroundings. In a few months time, I had to visit my gynac for treatment (the sooner the better, in my case). And then started the ovulation study which required me to monitor my cycle every month. Doctor visits, Sonography and related medicines became routine. I wanted to be a mother, whether this was an archetypal effect or was it me who desired to be a mother, is not clear yet. But this process of taking external help for conceiving was again considered a taboo. A topic which was not discussed openly. After two unsuccessful IUIs (Intrauterine Insemination), I conceived the third time, only to realize later that there was no growth inside me. I needed evacuation to clean it up.

It was then that my better half decided that we take a break from all this and realign our mental state first. I stopped thinking about getting pregnant every other day. Instead the focus was on my work. And lo behold!!! This worked. I conceived the fourth time we tried IUI treatment after a few months. The female hormones in me overpowered the male hormones. And my sweet daughter was born after a long and sometimes painful journey of expectations and disappointments.

I am sharing this with the readers for two basic reasons. Today I can look back at the whole journey in an objective way. I do not remember the trauma or the taboo. I have totally forgotten all about it. What I want now is to help other women undergoing the same fate in moving forward. They should remember that they will also forget all this once they are blessed by success. And for those who are yet to get what they want, life is full of surprises. Empty your mind of the anxiety. Do not hesitate to share your experience with others. This sharing itself is cathartic many a times. Divert your mind to any activity which you like. Give yourself a break every time you feel that you have come to a dead end. Its okay not to be normal. Because normality is again a construct. Let us face it and not make an issue of it. It is as same as not getting the desired marks in the exam or break in the film industry. All doesn’t end here. There are many more areas that we can work upon.